I love this weather (not every day for months, of course, but once in a while - it's wonderful). Been hanging out with the cutest, cuddliest and sweetest kids on earth - my furbabies. My little girl (Pekingese), who adores me but is true to her aloof natured breed, trotted over a while ago and wanted me to put her on the couch next to me because she's scared of the thunder. Now she's sleeping peacefully pressed up against me. I just love it. :)
Let's see, what's new on the pregnancy front....
I feel the baby move, which is weird and such an unfamiliar feeling but it does remind me the baby's alive - so that's the good part.
I've had those Braxon Hicks contractions. My first was around 14 weeks. It's always happened at night or as I wake. My stomach becomes as hard as a rock and I wonder what the hell's going to happen to me. Then I'll move and it subsides. No pain - just a rock hard ball in my stomach.
All the tests that have come back beautiful:
-Cervical length check at 17 weeks (4.3)
-Amnio (all normal)
-Twenty week ultrasound - perfect
The pre-eclampsia related tests (2 weeks ago) - all perfect:
-24 hour urine (normal)
-platelets (190K)
-liver enzymes "look great," per doctor
-uterine arteries recorded good blood flow during 20 week u/s
Blood pressure monitoring at home twice/day. Pretty good. Usually in the 120/70 range (give or take a few points). Faxed to high risk OB every week and he's happy.
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed the next 10 weeks goes by without incident. Need to reach 32 weeks and then my chances are much better of coming home with a live and healthy baby.
Nursery - nada, nothing, zero. Haven't done a thing. Can I just say how counterproductive it is NOT to know the gender of the baby you're carrying? I can't get encouraged about buying a rug or even registering. 90% of what's available is designated girl or boy. Very little is neutral. And most "neutral" items lean boy as you can find many items with some hints of blue while being "neutral" but no items of pink or orange are in the "neutral" zone.
Ugh! I don't know...maybe I should just find out. Would sure make planning easier.
What do you all think? What would you do in my shoes at 21 weeks (knowing gender knowledge is literally a phone call away via amnio result readout)?
7/30/10
Everyone Knows
There is always that little bit of apprehension in the back of my head about blabbing the pregnancy news because...well...because until about 30 weeks, I'm not sure I feel confident about a take-home baby. (Disclaimer: ONLY m/c and infertility will allow such fears to fester)
But because at 4 1/2 months, my pants are tight and I don't button top button, I thought I'd better spill the beans. So, as of last Monday, everyone in my life knows. Whew! It was a little bit nerve-wracking to take that leap and have to hope everything stays positive.
I think it's a very strange thing to actively pursue pregnancy this hard and then keep it a secret for so long and feel nervous to break the news. But, in this process, I've learned that so very many things are strange.
But because at 4 1/2 months, my pants are tight and I don't button top button, I thought I'd better spill the beans. So, as of last Monday, everyone in my life knows. Whew! It was a little bit nerve-wracking to take that leap and have to hope everything stays positive.
I think it's a very strange thing to actively pursue pregnancy this hard and then keep it a secret for so long and feel nervous to break the news. But, in this process, I've learned that so very many things are strange.
7/21/10
Brief Hit List
-17 weeks and baby good.
-Had my amnio last week. Hurt just a bit but all went well. Results by EOW, I hope.
-Blood pressure's been a little high - high risk OB now managing me. Averaging around 123/72 which is fine. I worry but do try to remember I can only do so much and all else is out of my hands.
-Visited a daycare today. Loved it. Will give them deposit to hold my spot for a March or April admission date.
-Work's been rough. Crazy ass boss flipped out just before Memorial Day. Sent scathing (and 100% unwarranted) email to her boss telling him how deficient he is (and copied his direct and indirect reports). Not only against code of conduct and grossly unprofessional but shockingly ironic! My boss has a serious alcohol problem (yeah, on the job too) who is rarely in the office or accessible and makes about a buck fifty BASE. Yeah, it's hard for me to believe too. So the fucking audacity of telling off her boss who is, by the way, a really good director and a super smart, nice and ethical guy, was a testament to her insanity at its best. So, her responsibilities were stripped from her (yet she wasn't fired - inexplicably!) and I now have a new boss. We get along and he's actually in every day. Novel concept, having a boss who provides direction, comes in every day, is sober and doesn't explode with sobbing, dramatic fits once a week.
-I love my animals so much. I hope that never changes. Oh, I have established a back-up plan for my beautiful little hairy munchkins in case I have to be admitted to hospital early. What a relief!
-Don't know gender and don't care to be surprised. Just too scared of having a boy to want to hear it now (vs. at delivery). I hate sports, damn it. Really doubt I could be a great mom to a boy - despite my friends telling me just the opposite. That I love camping and hiking and outdoorsy stuff - which is true. But, after all, I'm a chick and a single chick at that. So a girl would just be easier for me to relate to. But, whatever will be will be and if he's healthy, I will consider that fortunate enough.
-Have an appointment with an estate attorney in August. Just really need to get my will together, healthcare directives, power of attorney (for finances and healthcare) and whatever else needs to be in place. Everything WILL be fine. But not being prepared is fucked up and irresponsible for a single woman. I have to make sure long before I'm in the delivery room, all this stuff is settled - JUST as a precaution (and it'll buy me much stress relief as well).
That's it for now.
-Had my amnio last week. Hurt just a bit but all went well. Results by EOW, I hope.
-Blood pressure's been a little high - high risk OB now managing me. Averaging around 123/72 which is fine. I worry but do try to remember I can only do so much and all else is out of my hands.
-Visited a daycare today. Loved it. Will give them deposit to hold my spot for a March or April admission date.
-Work's been rough. Crazy ass boss flipped out just before Memorial Day. Sent scathing (and 100% unwarranted) email to her boss telling him how deficient he is (and copied his direct and indirect reports). Not only against code of conduct and grossly unprofessional but shockingly ironic! My boss has a serious alcohol problem (yeah, on the job too) who is rarely in the office or accessible and makes about a buck fifty BASE. Yeah, it's hard for me to believe too. So the fucking audacity of telling off her boss who is, by the way, a really good director and a super smart, nice and ethical guy, was a testament to her insanity at its best. So, her responsibilities were stripped from her (yet she wasn't fired - inexplicably!) and I now have a new boss. We get along and he's actually in every day. Novel concept, having a boss who provides direction, comes in every day, is sober and doesn't explode with sobbing, dramatic fits once a week.
-I love my animals so much. I hope that never changes. Oh, I have established a back-up plan for my beautiful little hairy munchkins in case I have to be admitted to hospital early. What a relief!
-Don't know gender and don't care to be surprised. Just too scared of having a boy to want to hear it now (vs. at delivery). I hate sports, damn it. Really doubt I could be a great mom to a boy - despite my friends telling me just the opposite. That I love camping and hiking and outdoorsy stuff - which is true. But, after all, I'm a chick and a single chick at that. So a girl would just be easier for me to relate to. But, whatever will be will be and if he's healthy, I will consider that fortunate enough.
-Have an appointment with an estate attorney in August. Just really need to get my will together, healthcare directives, power of attorney (for finances and healthcare) and whatever else needs to be in place. Everything WILL be fine. But not being prepared is fucked up and irresponsible for a single woman. I have to make sure long before I'm in the delivery room, all this stuff is settled - JUST as a precaution (and it'll buy me much stress relief as well).
That's it for now.
6/23/10
NT Scan (12w6d) - Baby Marcel
First and foremost: It's alive! Whew! Heartbeat and all!
The NT measurement was between 1-2, which I was told is good. And I saw an arm and leg darting around (very cute). My good friend's daughter is due 2 months before I am and when I received her NT scan u/s pic, the baby had the cutest profile ever. Looked like a little girl with the most adorable nose. Mine, on the other hand, looks like a sock monkey. Then the baby faced me and it looked like a little demon. Hey, I love my little one and was very happy to see him/her and that the reports were very good. But my friend "R" said I can just call the baby Marcel (which, for you "Frie.nd.s" fans, was the name of Ro.s.s's pet monkey. :)
The NT measurement was between 1-2, which I was told is good. And I saw an arm and leg darting around (very cute). My good friend's daughter is due 2 months before I am and when I received her NT scan u/s pic, the baby had the cutest profile ever. Looked like a little girl with the most adorable nose. Mine, on the other hand, looks like a sock monkey. Then the baby faced me and it looked like a little demon. Hey, I love my little one and was very happy to see him/her and that the reports were very good. But my friend "R" said I can just call the baby Marcel (which, for you "Frie.nd.s" fans, was the name of Ro.s.s's pet monkey. :)
6/19/10
Week 12
The last couple of days I've been feeling better. I think. Maybe I'm just hoping it's real. The all-day queasiness isn't really gone but I'm not as drop dead tired.
My NT scan is on Wednesday. I took the day off as a precaution. Yeah, I worry that maybe the baby bird is gone already. Thursday night I was changing the litterbox (yes, it's okay - my cats are 100% indoor and have been for their whole lives, plus I was still just tested for toxoplasmosis as a precaution) and carrying the old litter in the trash to the curb for trash pick-up next day. And I knew I had to poop (seriously, yes it's TMI - but what about the IF process isn't?) and my lower back started to hurt me TERRIBLY. It felt as though there was a dull, achy 20 lbs. bowling ball going to come out and I suddenly got very bad abdominal/pelvic (who the hell knows where) cramps. I thought for sure that was it, the little bird was done and coming out.
I ran to the bathroom and there was only poop. No baby. No blood. I felt instantly well and no back pain and those symptoms went right away. But it was frightening and I do still imagine lying there on Wednesday with the tech girl struggling to find a heartbeat.
Why does my brain betray me and go there?!
My NT scan is on Wednesday. I took the day off as a precaution. Yeah, I worry that maybe the baby bird is gone already. Thursday night I was changing the litterbox (yes, it's okay - my cats are 100% indoor and have been for their whole lives, plus I was still just tested for toxoplasmosis as a precaution) and carrying the old litter in the trash to the curb for trash pick-up next day. And I knew I had to poop (seriously, yes it's TMI - but what about the IF process isn't?) and my lower back started to hurt me TERRIBLY. It felt as though there was a dull, achy 20 lbs. bowling ball going to come out and I suddenly got very bad abdominal/pelvic (who the hell knows where) cramps. I thought for sure that was it, the little bird was done and coming out.
I ran to the bathroom and there was only poop. No baby. No blood. I felt instantly well and no back pain and those symptoms went right away. But it was frightening and I do still imagine lying there on Wednesday with the tech girl struggling to find a heartbeat.
Why does my brain betray me and go there?!
6/7/10
OMG! I'm med free! (Wooooo Hooooo!)
That's it - I'm done. My E2 was nearly 900 today and my P4 was 16.4 (which the nurse said is fine but I think it's low, given I was on PIO).
I'm going to trust them. I'm offcially off all meds starting tonight and on Thursday go in for final labs and if good, I get to wear my cap and gown. ;)
(my ass was doing a happy dance at the idea of not seeing another needle!)
I'm going to trust them. I'm offcially off all meds starting tonight and on Thursday go in for final labs and if good, I get to wear my cap and gown. ;)
(my ass was doing a happy dance at the idea of not seeing another needle!)
6/6/10
Just living....
Hello there ladies!
I haven't been much into blogging but I do check up on all of you a few times a week. Everything is going really well so I'm super duper thankful!
Though I have some underlying low level anxieties about becoming a single mom and inherent stressors, the Zo.lo.ft has kept me OUT of panic mode (remember last summer when I became despondent, SEVERELY depressed, could not sleep or eat and lost 13 lbs. in less than a week) - yeah, NOT good for a healthy pregnancy at all. I wonder if I was so worn down that I got so sick and my body went into survival mode - it's her or both of them and saved me. I don't know. But, thankfully, the lowest dose of this little blue pill (no, not V.i.ag.ra :) has more than done the trick to keep me from going over the edge so far.
Oh, I bought a crib. Well, not a fancy new crib. I bought a crib off of Cr.a.ig'.s.-L.i.st for $75. It's so nice - maple colored wood and kind of sleigh crib-ish looking with a drawer on the bottom. No recalls on it and it came with the mattress (which I think I'll change out for a new one). Yes, I could have afforded a new one and a fancy nursery and I LOVE looking at nurseries that are high end. But in some selective ways, I'm my frugal (by necessity) mother's daughter and just can't bring myself to spend 1K on the gorgeous Pott.er.y B.a.r.n dark wood sleigh bed crib knowing this will likely be my one and only baby and the crib will be around for only a couple of years. Yet I'm seriously considering a stunning pair of hidden platform black Lou.b.ou.t.in pumps at $625 - crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy! I acknowledge my frugality is selective. And lest you think I'm just a selfish bitch who would only spend on herself, I have many savings plans in mind for baby and would think nothing of buying a little girl (if it's what I've got) a $200 American Girl doll. Maybe it's because the baby doesn't care how fashionable the nursery is (and I don't either) that makes the difference. Who knows?
Oh, at 10w, I am tired all the time and have an upset stomach every day. I've never tossed cookies from m/s, despite sporadic queasiness, but my stomach is very sensitive.
After sleeping a full night last night and a 3 hour "nap" this afternoon, I'm now off to shower. Gosh, I really hope this fatigue lets up.
Hugs to you all.
I haven't been much into blogging but I do check up on all of you a few times a week. Everything is going really well so I'm super duper thankful!
Though I have some underlying low level anxieties about becoming a single mom and inherent stressors, the Zo.lo.ft has kept me OUT of panic mode (remember last summer when I became despondent, SEVERELY depressed, could not sleep or eat and lost 13 lbs. in less than a week) - yeah, NOT good for a healthy pregnancy at all. I wonder if I was so worn down that I got so sick and my body went into survival mode - it's her or both of them and saved me. I don't know. But, thankfully, the lowest dose of this little blue pill (no, not V.i.ag.ra :) has more than done the trick to keep me from going over the edge so far.
Oh, I bought a crib. Well, not a fancy new crib. I bought a crib off of Cr.a.ig'.s.-L.i.st for $75. It's so nice - maple colored wood and kind of sleigh crib-ish looking with a drawer on the bottom. No recalls on it and it came with the mattress (which I think I'll change out for a new one). Yes, I could have afforded a new one and a fancy nursery and I LOVE looking at nurseries that are high end. But in some selective ways, I'm my frugal (by necessity) mother's daughter and just can't bring myself to spend 1K on the gorgeous Pott.er.y B.a.r.n dark wood sleigh bed crib knowing this will likely be my one and only baby and the crib will be around for only a couple of years. Yet I'm seriously considering a stunning pair of hidden platform black Lou.b.ou.t.in pumps at $625 - crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy! I acknowledge my frugality is selective. And lest you think I'm just a selfish bitch who would only spend on herself, I have many savings plans in mind for baby and would think nothing of buying a little girl (if it's what I've got) a $200 American Girl doll. Maybe it's because the baby doesn't care how fashionable the nursery is (and I don't either) that makes the difference. Who knows?
Oh, at 10w, I am tired all the time and have an upset stomach every day. I've never tossed cookies from m/s, despite sporadic queasiness, but my stomach is very sensitive.
After sleeping a full night last night and a 3 hour "nap" this afternoon, I'm now off to shower. Gosh, I really hope this fatigue lets up.
Hugs to you all.
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