Endometrial Biopsy

People say I exaggerate but when prodded, they agree I don't actually embellish a story but that I tell it in such painstaking detail that it creates drama and that, in itself, creates an unintentional illusion of something that didn't occur.

Just after my earlier post today, around noon, I took my antibiotics and 2 Advils to prepare for my endo biopsy and the torture I would endure at precisely 2:30 PM ET. At 1:15 PM I took 2 Midols and was looking for my Xanax. I was out. A little concern set in but I rustled through some old(er) pill bottles in the kitchen and, Voila, Ativan (good as Xanax). It was a script for my mom. Before she passed away from cancer 18 months ago, I brought her to live with me so I could care for her until she was gone. Cancer patients get drugs. I mean, they get ANYTHING they want, on order - as it should be! My mom could order Roxanol (liquid morphine) like you could order a pizza. No questions asked. And, trust me, having the heavy hitting meds in my home was such a blessing when the pain was great and the end was near. But after she was gone, the hospice nurse wanted to flush all of the meds down the sink (pills, liquids, patches - everything!). And I'm so anti-drug ('cause they make me terribly nauseous and are worse than the pain), that I was not only perfectly fine with her dumping/trashing it all, I helped her. Actually, the one thing I would not allow her to toss was 2 bottles of Tarceva. It's an oral cancer drug that's shown some promise and costs about $3,500 for a one month supply. My mother's Oncology center already said they'd happily take them (they're branded, hard capsules) to donate to a patient who did not have the funds and I would not let her flush 7K of life-saving meds for another person down the toilet.

But today . . . today I was kicking myself, Why didn't you just keep a little bit of that liquid morphine for this occasion? You idiot! Now you're going to pass out at the GYN's office from the poker stabbing pain to your uterus. He said it was going to "hurt like hell." But the Roxanol was gone.

So at 1:15 PM, I took 1 Ativan with those 2 Midols and left for the doctor's. I walked in 30 minutes early and chased down 2 more Advils with a bottle of Poland Springs. Not 2 minutes later I was called in.

My eyes were big as saucers when I saw this really long scissor/tweezer contraption and other things I decided it was best to look away from. I started to feel really woozy from the Ativan and gave the "I'm ready" when he knocked. Dr. M is truly such a nice guy who is a knowledgeable and well respected Gyn surgeon. Good package for a doc. And he explains every single thing he's going to do in slow, detailed steps. I like that VERY MUCH. It's the same reason I like to POAS from 1dp5dt forward (yeah, you read that right!) - surprises are ONLY appreciated by me when they're good ones. Otherwise, please don't surprise me - I like to know what's going to happen every step of the way. This girl needs to plan (even if sometimes it messes with her head).

Feet in stirrups, I lied down and looked up at the mobile over the exam bed. There is one in every room. I imagine it's a relaxing way to focus on something else for the patient, and there was never a better time for me to focus on gliding sailboats.

Right after pulling my butt to the very edge of the table, "Okay, we'll be inserting the speculum now" and it was in. No biggie (that never bothers me anyway). "I'm going to numb your cervix a little so you might feel a tiny pinch and some burning." I felt it. It was no more or less painful than a Lupron shot (i.e., breeze). "Now I'm going to clamp open the cervix a bit." A second later, "ooh, okay" I said. It was a little crampy but just fine. "How are you doing Sky?" "I'm good, just really nervous." "Well you're doing great so far, just keep breathing slowly and deeply and focus on that." "Now I'm going to take the samples and we'll be done." I felt it right away, my uterus getting annoyed. "ohhhh-ohhh-ohhh-ohhh, whewwwww, whewwww." "That's right, keep breathing and let's count to ten." And he and I did it together as he took more swipes and it was done 2 seconds shorter than I thought.

If it was any easier, it would have been a pap. I'm not sure I even bled - though I ripped off the last of my Vivelle patches today and last Prometrium shot was midnight last night so I'll be getting a visit from the Red Sea soon - which should bring some relief to my enormous boobs that are in agony.

Would I volunteer to have another tomorrow? No. Would I do it again if I had to, ABSOFRIGGENLUTELY!

20 minutes ago, I constructed the package per instruction, and it's currently sitting in a outside FedEx mail-drop where I pray it won't be too cold (though it's freezing in NJ) and cause some issue with the specimen. But I can do only so much, you know? The way it is, I think it's going to be damned chilly on the FedEx jet as it heads for Memphis (FedEx distribution site) and then onto another jet bound for sunny California before they can pull out the vial of uterus pieces in solution, slip them under a microscope and tell me if I'll need Lupron treatment for 3 months prior to a transfer or not.

I'm SO glad I did the test, now more than ever.

My advice: Do any and every test you can have done IN ADVANCE of potentially blowing good money and embryos down the drain over something you could have easily solved for. As for endo biopsies - take 4 Advils, 2 Midols, 1 Xanax, ask your Gyn to numb your cervix and meditate as best you can. It's quick and, for me, ridiculously painless.

Thanks to each and every one of you fine ladies who helped encourage me and told me it would be okay. It's more than that. ;)