Everyone already knows my position on genetic offspring (great bonus but far from very important to me). In fact, if CCRM gave me a 75% chance of success with my own eggs vs. 100% with donor eggs, I would choose donor eggs. You can see, when possible, I'm a numbers girl - all about security!
But what if the choice was being able to have genetic offspring but not be able to carry it or having to use donor eggs you could carry. And let's make this easy - let's say the entire thing would be at no cost to you - you wouldn't spend one cent. Not for the surrogate, not for the donor eggs, not for the IVF - nada!
What then? If those were your only two choices, would you rather carry your child knowing there is no genetic link or would you opt to bring home a baby 9 months later from the hospital that you never carried but who shares your DNA?
5 comments:
I'd choose donor eggs and carrying them myself.
I love being pregnant and I love breastfeeding. I have never had a strong desire for a genetic connection.
I'd choose the surrogate. I didn't love being pregnant, plus it only lasts a little while (9 months or so).
Incidentally, I was given a 40% chance with my own eggs and a 100% chance with donor eggs. We tried one. last. time. with my eggs and astoundingly it worked. But we would have immediately moved on to donor eggs and been beyond happy with our decision.
My sister (who adopted 2 little girls after her own IF nightmare) always said, "You don't need to be pregnant to have a baby." Likewise, you don't need to be biologically related to have a child.
So, basically, I'd be thrilled with either. But given a completely level playing field, I'd choose the surrogate.
I am honestly someone who could only come to those decisions if I had to make my way through the process and get to a point of comfort with my decision.
At some point you do what is necessary for your situation - for me, it would have been donor eggs. I always thought that if I did get pregnant with donor eggs I would want a sibling from the same donor - so obviously I thought some kind of genetic connection, even just between siblings, was important. But when I think about how much I love my stepmother and my favorite cousin's wife, and how my best friend from junior high is still as close as a sister to me now, I know that family is not about being technically related.
I love the thoughtful questions you ask.
When I thought that I would get pregnant with my eggs I remember thinking about this and deciding that I would rather be pregnant with DE than use a surrogate. Logically that didn't really make sense because, as Leah pointed out, pregnancy only lasts 9 months, but I just couldn't stand the idea of not being pregnant again.
Now that I have been pregnant again, I really wish I had our mutually genetic child. So in hindsight, I would say that I want both and I'm not willing to compromise on either.
Clearly, I am willing to compromise and do what I have to do. If the option had been no kids or a surrogate, I suppose I would have done that and then bemoaned my lost opportunity to be pregnant and give birth to a live baby.
You girls are very sweet for indulging me on my super silly questions. My ex-husband used to get very frustrated by my ponderings. :)
Aside from my dispassionate view of genetic offspring, I also don't think I care so much about the pregnancy part of it (I need the extra weight like a hole in the head) but I think the lack of control a woman has to surrender in a surrogacy is more than I could handle.
Yes, I'm a Type A personality - Busted! :)
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