Just you and me, kid

I read a brief line from musicmakermomma post that read, "Weird to think that from here on out the DE part doesn't matter anymore, it is just like a regular IVF." Like me, she's doing a DE cycle but she's post retrieval now (Day 3). Stop by and wish her well if you have a minute. :)

I won't put words into her mouth about the context in which she meant it but it's an idea I've fantasized about and, for very selfish reasons, I can't wait to be POST-retrieval day. Here's the truth: I don't want her to be a part of it. I know, I know, I'm the girl who doesn't care about genetics - AND I DON'T! And though I feel so incredibly blessed and fortunate to have the opportunity (in every way) to use a donor and take this path, I still like not to think about that other person. On a very visceral level, I know this is something my body should have done all by itself and it sucks that I have to pay a clinic and donor BIG bucks to do it for me. So I guess the instant she's out of the way, I'll feel better - it'll just be the way it is in normal IVF - me and the embryos, mom and babies - an intimate relationship, without another person stealing my thunder, sharing my moment.

Of all the things to even think of, I know this is petty but it's how I feel. There are FEW times in our lives that the universe truly respects our unique and elevated position. Marriage is one day. The bride and groom are the focus - it's about them. No bride wants her mother-in-law to be the focus of the party, to have the grooms frequent attention, to come on the honeymoon cruise. I mean, it's a deeply poignant and special event between two people and their magic together.

I kind of feel similarly of the baby-making endeavor. Bad enough I have to have a fucking lab involved, dildo cams, bright hospital lights, speculums, doctors, nurses, embryologists and every other Tom, Dick & Harry that want to join in the "fun." But to have to have another woman as intimately involved with what will one-day be my baby is really tough to take. Hey, I'm sure I speak for every single IVF recipient (own eggs or not) that ART is NOT what any of us wished for.

So the sooner she's out of the picture, the more I'll feel like it's just about that little bundle-to-be and his/her mom, the way it should be.

(Note my contradictions. I LOVE egg donors who are good, responsible women who do this for more than the financial benefits. I think they're a special breed of angels. I couldn't thank this lady enough and if CCRM told me she was open to know me after retrieval, I would JUMP on it. What's more, if she were a good person, I would embrace a relationship with her as "aunt" Mary (or whomever) who comes over for birthdays, etc. I would LOVE my child to know her, and vice versa. It's just that until MY baby is born, I wish it could be between me and that baby-to-be and no one else!)