The Plan

I have my annual pap in 2 weeks, exactly. I'm going to ask my doctor if I can take the following before the endometrial biopsy:

• 3 Advil gel caps
• 2 Midol
• 1 Xanax
• 1 Martini

Okay, laugh all you want but I'm asking. When I have severe period cramps Advil doesn't do a lick for me but if it helps swelling, can't hurt. For me Midol is my magic bullet, for sure - works miracles. The Xanax will help my anxiety and I don't know about you guys but a Martini dulls pain. Aside from that I'll be on antibiotics, which won't do anything for the pain but I need to make sure there will be no contraindications.

I think if I take all of that, I should be zonked out enough that it'll hurt minimally.

The one thing I'm not going to do is cancel the biopsy because I am very very very bad with regret. I know several women who wear rose-colored glasses in life and they wouldn't do the biopsy and if they received a BFN, they would never believe it could possibly be a missing integrin that was the factor.

Personally, they live happier lives but I don't believe they're realistic lives. Regret is good - it's what teaches to do better/differently next time.

I REFUSE to spend 30K for a donor egg cycle to wind up with a BFN and always wonder if I had no integrin and that was the cause. I couldn't live with that - just like I've never stopped wondering if my chemical pregnancy (from donor embryos that came from a donor egg) was a result of my hydrosalpinx. I had my fallopian tubes removed to ever avoid that doubt in future and I think that was a radical approach.

I love you girls, truly, for dealing with my madness and being so nice about it. :)