I came across a message board today in which a 32 year old woman was using her sister as a "traditional surrogate." So how this would work is that the infertile woman's husband's sperm would be inseminated into the surrogate sister and that sperm would fertilize her egg during her normal menstrual cycle.
Just the idea of the above makes me queasy. What a recipe for disaster!
For decades, maybe longer, traditional surrogacy worked beautifully for many families. But they are also inherently wrought with enormous issues and there have been some pretty big landmark cases where they failed miserably. Baby M comes to mind - but that was in the mid 80's, when there was no other choice for families. They took chances that we don't ever need to consider today.
The idea that I could carry a child from an embryo that has no genetic tie to me whatsoever and hand it over after I've loved and cared for it inside of me for 9 months is unfathomable. Now imagine it also being your own egg, your genetic offspring and handing it over.
RECIPE FOR DISASTER! (yeah, it bears repeating!)
Granted, I don't have a sister (I am an only child) and maybe some of you would tell me that you could easily provide not only surrogate for your sister's baby but that you would even use your egg.
Wow! Sisterhood must be a love more intense than I think I could feel for anyone but my own child, that's all I can say.
Your thoughts welcome.
7 comments:
That really is an amazing story...and I have the same exact reaction to it you do. Regular old surrogacy makes me nervous- but that is mostly because of a series of law school classes and the effect of studying surrogacy cases - so this tougher situation just makes me twitch.
My neighbor mentioned to me a few weeks ago that if it turns out I need a surrogate that I should talk to her. I almost freaked. It turns out she likes being pregnant but doesn't want more kids and tells me that she feels that if it wasn't hers genetically that it'd be okay to give to us. I think this is sweet. But, it also creeped me out a little. Hmmmm...maybe I should look into therapy?
Sue, you know, I couldn't be a surrogate of donor eggs but, clearly, there are wonderful women out there who can be (your neighbor might be one of them - not that I think you'll need that, you'll see!).
But the idea of it being your own egg on top of you gestating the baby. Yeesh! Just seems like way too much to expect someone to not only give up the baby they've carried but to give it up knowing it's genetically theirs.
Something's gotta give! :)
It's so hard to really know until it's actually you in that situation. If I were younger and had already had children and I saw my sister going through infertility, I think I could do it. But a sister is a special circumstance, since it would be hard to see her searching for an egg donor knowing that I was the closest match. If that was what she wanted, I would want to give it to her. I'm not sure I could do that for a friend, no matter how close. I guess just the idea that the extended family would be the same, etc. somehow creates a context. And the fact that it would be a child of another man has a lot to do with it...
But, since I'm not ever going to be young and fertile again, it really isn't an likely issue for me. And my sister is due at the end of February!
Lorraine, I've definitely read of women donating their eggs to a sister, which is one thing.
But could you not only donate your eggs but even carry the child for 9 months, deliver the baby and hand it over to your sister?
Maybe you could, I'm not saying you couldn't - traditional surrogacy has absolutely worked many, many times (though I know there have been many problems as well).
There is a SMBC currently going down that very path with her sister. Her sister donated eggs first and that didn't work.
Email me and I will send you the link.
I talked to a woman who had an oops pregnancy (fourth kid, I think) and her sister was having issues so . . . she decided to give the child to her sister. I suppose it might have been similar to decide to go the adoption route - you just plan on it before you even get pregnant.
I would carry a child for my sister. I would donate eggs to my sister. Would I donate eggs AND carry the resulting fetus for my sister? I don't know.
I wanted to add... for someone like me who is bent on the bio connection... statistically speaking, the offspring of a sibling are as genetically similar to you as your own children are.
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