4dp5dt

Listen, you girls are the ONLY ones who will understand what I'm about to describe.

It takes some set of balls and/or outright idiocy to test on 2dp5dt and be disappointed by a snow white stick. Well, guilty as charged! Too embarrassed to admit it to you all, I thought "this shit's doomed!"

Yesterday, 3dp5dt I tested - AM and PM. Yeah, that's right - TWICE! Powder white. Then I played the mental games I often do with myself (and friends - oh they just love wasting their time with my mental manipulations!). I asked myself yesterday, knowing that the evening of 3dp5dt I have a negative, if I could go back to the transfer table, would I tell Dr. Gustofson, "you're out of your bloody mind - transfer TWO!" And last night, I said, I don't know - I truly just didn't know. And you could argue that I didn't know because there was still a chance for this to turn out well. That may be true.

But it gave me a LOT to think about. Because I realized that even though my crazy brain had gone to the "I'm doomed" spot, I still had some confidence that having agreed to an eSET was actually the right decision for me and one I was happy with. That was not only a good place to be, it was a really good place to be when you're thinking it might be over. One thing I'd likely not have to regret is facing a twin pregnancy that I might not be in a position to have (never mind the 8-10 fold increased risk in donor egg pregnancies for pre-eclampsia and premature birth which scare the life out of me - never mind with twins!).

Driving home from work today I remembered that last year, during my donor embryo transfer, I got my first positive HPT on 4dp5dt in the late afternoon.

Imagine plucking the finest baby hair, slicing it four times, dunking the piece in the lightest shade of pink and placing it next to a control line. Then put on your heavy-duty reading glasses and bring the stick to the light after 5 minutes and tilt it carefully towards the light and twist your head sideways. That's my 2nd line last year.

At 6:00 PM ET today, it was like deja vu all over again. I feel extremely lucky. And I would post the picture if I thought you could actually SEE the line in a picture.

Right now, it's looking very good. :)