Yeah, I know, I know, I promised not to POAS again but there is a really big rain storm in NJ that's projected to last through Tuesday and the LAST thing I want to do is get my ass out of bed tomorrow at 6 AM so I can drive 45 minutes to Morristown, NJ (the HQ clinic for RMA NJ) to prove what I've already known.
I wasn't even remotely hurt or sad or surprised. When I didn't see even the faintest sliver of a line the evening of 4dp5dt, I knew it was BAD. When things were unchanged the morning of 6dp5dt, I knew it was OVER - no matter how insistent my nurse was that it could be otherwise.
Seriously, if you use a First Response Early Response or The Answer - you WILL see the teeniest of lines as early as 8-10 beta points. Sure, you have to wait well over 10 minutes and put on 2.00+ reading glasses and look at the stick under the brightest white light until your eyes actually burn - BUT it will fucking be THERE! You'll know - despite the aching neurotic worries that it's negative - you saw something, even if you're not quite sure what it was. That something will be far less questionable twelve hours later.
Now, if you like the emotional suspense, uncertainty and anxiety - you're welcomed to use the Dollar Store sticks or those internet strips. Those fucking things are NOTORIOUS for blinding white with beta points of 50+. Me? I personally don't like that kind of a mind fuck. I'd rather spend $13 for a box of 3 FRER at Walmart and know I can count on that vs. $10 for 30 unreliable results. But, again, that's just me.
I haven't gotten off on being right but I sure don't mind not being delusional. False hope is never good hope, for me.
Anyhoo, now I can sleep in tomorrow and I'll go to the local RMA office Monday morning so the results can convince C.CR.M that I need my WTF meeting.
Next steps: I have to fly to L.A. for a TV shoot 3/27-3/28 (you guys know I'm in advertising, I think). Anyway, I suspect my period will arrive this week and if Dr. Su.r.rey agrees doing a hysteroscopy makes sense (and has no down side), I'd like to go from NJ to Denver, have the hysteroscopy and then hit L.A. after that. This way the cost to me will be negligible (maybe $200 - including airfare and car rental to/from airport/clinic) and I'll have more peace of mind next cycle.
I'll post the "official" results once my nurse has to eat humble pie and give them to me.
9 comments:
Sorry to hear this news, but glad you're making plans to move on. Hope the hysterscopy shows a fabulus ute ready for next cycle.
BFN sucks. Sorry. I'm with you, moving on
Oh it just sucks, no matter how 'prepared' you were for it. And for that, and for having to go through this all over again, I'm sorry. But I'm glad you have a next plan already formulated...
It's still crappy, even if it is nice to know that you know what you're doing when it comes to the peesticks.
SOunds like you're ready for action, though. And let me know if you have any extra time in LA!
Fuck, this sucks Sky. I rationalize the whole pee stick think exactly the way you do.
You have an incredible spirit. I know how devastating this is, even though you do have another plan. Big hugs to you!
Sorry you're headed for more poking and proding. I'm always planning ahead even before I know for sure too.
Never used those Internet cheapies either and agree with your sentiments. Whatever stick though, I'm sorry that none of them came up + this go around.
I suspect you will be busy in LA, but if you have an extra minute and want to meet up, I am all game. Just drop me an email.
I am sorry - that sucks. I found your blog via a weight loss blog somewhere, have been reading for a few weeks and had my fingers crossed for you.
Here's to the next time. . .
Hx
Mean of you to title the post that way!!! But, I totally am in agreement with you over only buying the good tests -why mess with your own head when it is already being messed with by IF and everything else? I'm so sorry about the BFN. Glad you are moving on...and DO NOT forget that this is likely a genetic issue with the egg...just how it is. HUGS.
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