Fortunately the Infectious Disease doctor didn't call in the guys in the white coats on me when I told him I was freaking out that I have MRSA and am dying and he's keeping it from me.
The CT scan came back clear - no abscess; all clear. And he emphatically said "you don't have MRSA. We've cultured you several times" to which I replied "but did you test me specifically for MRSA?" and he said "yeah, the lab tests for everything." So I remind him ('cause I question an Infectious Disease specialist if he knows MRSA is staph - just a highly resistant staph) and he says "no, staph is on the skin - it's really common; most people have it if you swab them and culture. That's not MRSA." (My OB doctor said last week she'd be surprised if I had MRSA 'cause "you look great and you'd be really really sick." But, hey, she's no Infectious Disease doctor so I dismissed her opinion)
Then he proceeded to tell me that I worry too much and that the mind is a powerful thing, yada, yada, yada.
So I question why this effen wound isn't healed yet and he said it's getting better and basically waved me off and said to relax.
And here's the part only hypocondriacs like me could appreciate. I was down the hall from the Wound Center and I literally thought "maybe the lab got it wrong every culture test and I do have MRSA."
Yeah, even suffering from anxious worry, I realized that would be really unlikely.
Aside from this wound STILL not fully healed, I'm not infected with anything and the CT scan of my abdomen apparently shows normal insides.
I suppose it's just going to be a frustratingly slow(er) process than I'd hoped.
2/9/11
2/2/11
WTF!
Seriously, this post is going to be a bitch-fest!!!
So...remember the fucked up c-section wound? Well, has it healed? Fuck NO!
For the first 4 weeks there was huge progress and the wound is now about 1.5 cm deep x .5 cm wide with a "tunnel" off of it about 1.9 cm deep. And for those 4 weeks I wore a wound vac (very cumbersome and depressing to have to carry that 24/7). Anyway, 3 weeks ago the "tunnel" (which had been 1 cm week prior went to 1.5 cm) so I instantly asked doctor for a CT scan or MRI, just to see WTF was going on behind the wound. He said the wound had improved a lot from day one (which it had) and that it would improve following week. It didn't. At the same time he took cultures from inside because I smelled something funny (he didn't). Culture came back positive for staph, yet I was on antibiotics (the right one to cover staph) from week prior which said to me the antibiotics aren't working. He sent me another round of antibiotics.
And then 2 weeks ago it still hadn't improved and I asked why I was even wearing the wound vac if it wasn't improving. He agreed and removed the wound vac and had me pack it twice a day with a gauze that has silver in it (I think silver nitrate or something antibacterial). I did so. No easy task as the entry to wound is teeny - can barely push the head of a Q-t.i.p inside.
Well, the wound is still no better and there is a lot of drainage for such a small wound and the drainage looks "a little cloudy," which is suspicious of infection (meanwhile, I'm on the antibiotic).
FINALLY, this morning he agreed to order a CT scan (I don't know - but I'd feel better if they could see something in there to ease my mind) AND he put me back on the wound vac. Needless to say, I'm depressed to be on this machine again. Oh and he's sent me another antibiotic to take with the current one.
If the CT scan (Friday morning) shows nothing and the wound is no better I'm going to have to see OB and have surgery so they can open it back up, clean it out and put the wound vac on AGAIN.
Honestly, I curse this c-section!!!
If ANYONE out there in cyberspace reads this and has experience with a c-section wound and how much time yours took to heal and if you wore a vac or packed it, please share details with me. I'd like to feel less alone in the world here. :(
As for my little princess, she's beautiful and wonderful - thank the universe for THAT!
So...remember the fucked up c-section wound? Well, has it healed? Fuck NO!
For the first 4 weeks there was huge progress and the wound is now about 1.5 cm deep x .5 cm wide with a "tunnel" off of it about 1.9 cm deep. And for those 4 weeks I wore a wound vac (very cumbersome and depressing to have to carry that 24/7). Anyway, 3 weeks ago the "tunnel" (which had been 1 cm week prior went to 1.5 cm) so I instantly asked doctor for a CT scan or MRI, just to see WTF was going on behind the wound. He said the wound had improved a lot from day one (which it had) and that it would improve following week. It didn't. At the same time he took cultures from inside because I smelled something funny (he didn't). Culture came back positive for staph, yet I was on antibiotics (the right one to cover staph) from week prior which said to me the antibiotics aren't working. He sent me another round of antibiotics.
And then 2 weeks ago it still hadn't improved and I asked why I was even wearing the wound vac if it wasn't improving. He agreed and removed the wound vac and had me pack it twice a day with a gauze that has silver in it (I think silver nitrate or something antibacterial). I did so. No easy task as the entry to wound is teeny - can barely push the head of a Q-t.i.p inside.
Well, the wound is still no better and there is a lot of drainage for such a small wound and the drainage looks "a little cloudy," which is suspicious of infection (meanwhile, I'm on the antibiotic).
FINALLY, this morning he agreed to order a CT scan (I don't know - but I'd feel better if they could see something in there to ease my mind) AND he put me back on the wound vac. Needless to say, I'm depressed to be on this machine again. Oh and he's sent me another antibiotic to take with the current one.
If the CT scan (Friday morning) shows nothing and the wound is no better I'm going to have to see OB and have surgery so they can open it back up, clean it out and put the wound vac on AGAIN.
Honestly, I curse this c-section!!!
If ANYONE out there in cyberspace reads this and has experience with a c-section wound and how much time yours took to heal and if you wore a vac or packed it, please share details with me. I'd like to feel less alone in the world here. :(
As for my little princess, she's beautiful and wonderful - thank the universe for THAT!
12/23/10
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice....
YEAH! I got my girl! She's beautiful, healthy and delicious. She was born on 12.6.10 at 4:17 pm - three weeks early - 7 lbs. 12 oz. and 20" long.
In short, the protein in my urine was high and it was decided safest to take me to surgery. I didn't attempt natural delivery because, though she was head down, she was very high and I believed I'd end up with a c-section anyway.
I'm going to tell you I've regretted that decision tremendously. I know more people who've had c-sections than natural delivery and not a single one had a complication. But me? Yeap, I did. A week after her birth, a 2" part of my c-section was seeping bloody fluid. The stitches were removed and a hole in my scar is now open so that it heals from the inside out. I see an Infectious Disease specialist at the Hospital's Wound Center and wear something called a "Wound Vac" that sucks the fluid from the hole in my stomach by negative pressure into a small box that I carry around. I've struggled with the anxiety and depression that's come with this health setback but thanks to Zoloft and a conscious effort to stay focused on taking one day at a time, I'm doing okay. Anyway, looks like another month before it's healed and I desperately look forward to it.
Pregnancy was definitely hard on me. I now take meds for high blood pressure (spent 1 day in hospital on Mag Sulfate because my BP was soaring) and we monitor to see if it goes down on its own over time. My cholesterol is very high but doctor says she thinks it's also pregnancy related and wants to re-take in 6 months and make a decision then. Carpel Tunnel in my hands and some nerve issue with a couple of toes in my right foot (probably a pinched nerve).
Hey, I just turned 44 - not the greatest time to have a baby, so I'm going to have to work extra hard to improve my health and labs. I did lose all of the pregnancy weight in 2 weeks, so that's good.
But back to the positive...I've been blessed with this little beauty and good friends who call and email and text and send hugs.
I will eventually come back and post the birth story because it was overwhelming and complex and really beautiful.
For now I'll leave you all with a picture of my lovely lady and wishes for a wonderful holiday and a better 2011 than any of us even imagines!
In short, the protein in my urine was high and it was decided safest to take me to surgery. I didn't attempt natural delivery because, though she was head down, she was very high and I believed I'd end up with a c-section anyway.
I'm going to tell you I've regretted that decision tremendously. I know more people who've had c-sections than natural delivery and not a single one had a complication. But me? Yeap, I did. A week after her birth, a 2" part of my c-section was seeping bloody fluid. The stitches were removed and a hole in my scar is now open so that it heals from the inside out. I see an Infectious Disease specialist at the Hospital's Wound Center and wear something called a "Wound Vac" that sucks the fluid from the hole in my stomach by negative pressure into a small box that I carry around. I've struggled with the anxiety and depression that's come with this health setback but thanks to Zoloft and a conscious effort to stay focused on taking one day at a time, I'm doing okay. Anyway, looks like another month before it's healed and I desperately look forward to it.
Pregnancy was definitely hard on me. I now take meds for high blood pressure (spent 1 day in hospital on Mag Sulfate because my BP was soaring) and we monitor to see if it goes down on its own over time. My cholesterol is very high but doctor says she thinks it's also pregnancy related and wants to re-take in 6 months and make a decision then. Carpel Tunnel in my hands and some nerve issue with a couple of toes in my right foot (probably a pinched nerve).
Hey, I just turned 44 - not the greatest time to have a baby, so I'm going to have to work extra hard to improve my health and labs. I did lose all of the pregnancy weight in 2 weeks, so that's good.
But back to the positive...I've been blessed with this little beauty and good friends who call and email and text and send hugs.
I will eventually come back and post the birth story because it was overwhelming and complex and really beautiful.
For now I'll leave you all with a picture of my lovely lady and wishes for a wonderful holiday and a better 2011 than any of us even imagines!
11/23/10
Home Free!
I must have some nerve stating that, but I'm going to go out on a limb and feel confident now.
I don't know how other women do it but I had milestones on my calendar. Something like this:
-20 Weeks - half way there!
-28 Weeks - semi safe zone (can breathe a bit easier)
-30 Weeks - minimum delivery date I can feel good with
-32 Weeks - still NICU but healthy baby would result
-34 Weeks - maybe NICU but very confident about healthy baby
-35 Weeks - HOME FREE!
And tomorrow is Home Free!
Now, do I think nothing can go wrong? HELL NO! I'm too cautious and realistic to live in a cloud, but I do think the odds are definitely in my favor - especially that the little monkey measures almost 2 weeks ahead (just a big baby) and my uterine arteries are good - no notching (some studies suggest the opposite of my results indicate pre-eclampsia in your future).
Mostly good news. But I see the doctor every week now and my blood pressure is a concern. I've been diagnosed with "Borderline" Pregnancy Induced Hypertension and my physical complaints are nearly endless. But I've made it to 35 weeks so I have MUCH to be thankful for.
The worst time, psychologically, was during weeks 23-28. I desperately feared anything that would necessitate delivery because I was terrified of the outcome - a micro preemie with a dozen serious health conditions and many more I'd learn of later - and how would I handle that as a single parent? How does anyone handle that, even with tons of help? 28 weeks was a real reason for me to feel safer. And I also figured they could keep me in the hospital and try to get 2 more weeks out of me. But none of those worries came to pass - thank the universe!
Frankly, I'd be surprised if I didn't deliver in the next 2 weeks because of the blood pressure crap going on and my general well-being, or lack thereof. And this would be fine by me. I'm ready.
Rest assured I will publish the birth story, post a pic and not hold anything back! ;)
So I'll sign off with a very sincere wish for you all to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and family and much health and fertility wishes to all!
I don't know how other women do it but I had milestones on my calendar. Something like this:
-20 Weeks - half way there!
-28 Weeks - semi safe zone (can breathe a bit easier)
-30 Weeks - minimum delivery date I can feel good with
-32 Weeks - still NICU but healthy baby would result
-34 Weeks - maybe NICU but very confident about healthy baby
-35 Weeks - HOME FREE!
And tomorrow is Home Free!
Now, do I think nothing can go wrong? HELL NO! I'm too cautious and realistic to live in a cloud, but I do think the odds are definitely in my favor - especially that the little monkey measures almost 2 weeks ahead (just a big baby) and my uterine arteries are good - no notching (some studies suggest the opposite of my results indicate pre-eclampsia in your future).
Mostly good news. But I see the doctor every week now and my blood pressure is a concern. I've been diagnosed with "Borderline" Pregnancy Induced Hypertension and my physical complaints are nearly endless. But I've made it to 35 weeks so I have MUCH to be thankful for.
The worst time, psychologically, was during weeks 23-28. I desperately feared anything that would necessitate delivery because I was terrified of the outcome - a micro preemie with a dozen serious health conditions and many more I'd learn of later - and how would I handle that as a single parent? How does anyone handle that, even with tons of help? 28 weeks was a real reason for me to feel safer. And I also figured they could keep me in the hospital and try to get 2 more weeks out of me. But none of those worries came to pass - thank the universe!
Frankly, I'd be surprised if I didn't deliver in the next 2 weeks because of the blood pressure crap going on and my general well-being, or lack thereof. And this would be fine by me. I'm ready.
Rest assured I will publish the birth story, post a pic and not hold anything back! ;)
So I'll sign off with a very sincere wish for you all to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and family and much health and fertility wishes to all!
10/1/10
My FIRST Baby Gift (came from a blogger buddy!)
So, I have been dreading the registry. I don't know why exactly but a couple of reasons come to mind. I'm still in the danger zone (27 weeks) and maybe I just don't want to seem silly if catastrophe happens. But that's really the minor point. I'm a freak! I hate Ba.bi.e.sR.Us and baby departments in general. It's overwhelming to me - sensory overload, I think.
I've changed all of the toilets in my house by myself - no problem. Sinks, tiling, laminate "wood" flooring - done, done and done. I took care of my mom while she died of cancer - hard as hell, but I did it. And I've given myself hundreds of sub-q and intramuscular needles throughout the IVF process. I'm independent and I guess I realized recently that I really like being "in control" and able to take care of myself. But when I walk into baby mega store, I feel like I'm on the moon, building an eco-friendly human habitat with no scientific experience. I get a pang of anxiety and, really, I just want to leave and avoid the whole thing.
Well, some friends have been hounding me about doing the registry for an office shower and a shower from my small group of personal girlfriends. I confessed to two of my friends that I just had trouble with the store and they eagerly volunteered to come with me - and make it a girl's afternoon. So we did - two Saturdays ago.
And what did the UPS man bring to my door? A huge box and a little box. Hmm...I hadn't ordered anything, so I was wondering...What did I find when I opened it? My changing pad and the softest cover - both from my registry. From my family? Nope. From my closest girlfriends IRL? No. My very first baby gift EVER came from Me - someone who's come to my rescue (with a little help from her mister) before and been so kind to me. I loved meeting her in Denver during our coinciding trips and just talking. She's the kind of person I generally gravitate to - honest (even brutally so, which I adore), kind, highly intelligent and the kind of person you know instantly is all substance and zero bullshit - all the things I find comforting and refreshing.
So...Me...I thank you and thank you some more for being so generous and doing such a sweet thing. I'm not a highly sensitive person but - hormones, ya know - I welled up when I saw your name on the paperwork. And please remember that when you're in central NJ for a business trip, we're meeting up for a couple of drinks on me!
This IF blogging community has been such a positive experience for me. :)
I've changed all of the toilets in my house by myself - no problem. Sinks, tiling, laminate "wood" flooring - done, done and done. I took care of my mom while she died of cancer - hard as hell, but I did it. And I've given myself hundreds of sub-q and intramuscular needles throughout the IVF process. I'm independent and I guess I realized recently that I really like being "in control" and able to take care of myself. But when I walk into baby mega store, I feel like I'm on the moon, building an eco-friendly human habitat with no scientific experience. I get a pang of anxiety and, really, I just want to leave and avoid the whole thing.
Well, some friends have been hounding me about doing the registry for an office shower and a shower from my small group of personal girlfriends. I confessed to two of my friends that I just had trouble with the store and they eagerly volunteered to come with me - and make it a girl's afternoon. So we did - two Saturdays ago.
And what did the UPS man bring to my door? A huge box and a little box. Hmm...I hadn't ordered anything, so I was wondering...What did I find when I opened it? My changing pad and the softest cover - both from my registry. From my family? Nope. From my closest girlfriends IRL? No. My very first baby gift EVER came from Me - someone who's come to my rescue (with a little help from her mister) before and been so kind to me. I loved meeting her in Denver during our coinciding trips and just talking. She's the kind of person I generally gravitate to - honest (even brutally so, which I adore), kind, highly intelligent and the kind of person you know instantly is all substance and zero bullshit - all the things I find comforting and refreshing.
So...Me...I thank you and thank you some more for being so generous and doing such a sweet thing. I'm not a highly sensitive person but - hormones, ya know - I welled up when I saw your name on the paperwork. And please remember that when you're in central NJ for a business trip, we're meeting up for a couple of drinks on me!
This IF blogging community has been such a positive experience for me. :)
9/2/10
Blue or Pink?
I don't know either.
Thanks for all of your replies. I think, given I've waited this long, I'll wait until birth.
What helped? Something really really really silly. I found a nursery theme that could work for now and when I have the baby, I can incorporate more gender specific colors into it.
It's not the greatest but I like it. And, truthfully, I'm looking much more forward to creating a beautiful little girl's or boy's room vs. a baby nursery. I'd love to see the excitement and joy in a little one's face over getting their big girl/boy bed and the room being decorated exactly as they want.
Thanks for all of your replies. I think, given I've waited this long, I'll wait until birth.
What helped? Something really really really silly. I found a nursery theme that could work for now and when I have the baby, I can incorporate more gender specific colors into it.
It's not the greatest but I like it. And, truthfully, I'm looking much more forward to creating a beautiful little girl's or boy's room vs. a baby nursery. I'd love to see the excitement and joy in a little one's face over getting their big girl/boy bed and the room being decorated exactly as they want.
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