Home & Embryo Update

I want to preface this by saying that I am well aware of how lucky I am. I didn't do anything different than most other donor egg recipients have done nor am I more deserving. I just got crazy lucky, that's it. And all I can do is pay it forward, which has always been my plan (whether donating 2 embryos or 14).

I've opened with that because I got a call from the embryologist today while I sat in the Denver Airport to tell me they froze another 5 blasts on Day 6 for a grand total of 14 blasts in the freezer.

So the details are:

Frozen Day 5
3-4AA (1-4AA transferred)

Frozen Day 6

Now here's something interesting. They consider even the lowest graded on Day 5 higher than the best on Day 6. Funny, huh? He said "because they were where they should have been on the right day." He also added they can all create a human but to compare between the two days is "apples and oranges."

I mentioned that AFTER the transfer I learned you could have a 5AA and that it's a higher grade and I didn't know anything was higher than 4AA. He said it's a hatching blast but "the numbers don't really matter - they just tell us how expanded they are; the letters give us more information." And then he said something about a hatching blast being difficult to work with because the "zona pellucida" (I just looked that up to figure out how to spell it - I can't believe he used such a technical word on me. I'm in advertising, not medicine!) is being shed and that process should be happening in the uterus, etc. He assured me a 4AA was the "perfect" embryo on Day 5 and to transfer and that with it being a donor egg with donor sperm, they're normally very high quality.

So if that helps any of you out there to stress less about your own results, awesome!

Next subject: 2WW. SUCKS THE BIG ONE! You all know; you've been there (so have I actually). Hate it!

My days have gone like this: "It worked, it worked, it worked - when do I buy a crib?" to "This sucks, I'm going to have to fly back out to Denver and I don't even like flying and now I'll have to fund a FET - why did I back down?!" Now girls, just repeat that a few dozen times a day.

Uhh, when can I POAS - seriously? When? Is 2dp5dt too soon? I'm not screwing with you guys, is it?



Bedrest is AWFUL. How women endure months of this in high risk pregnancies is beyond me. My back hurts.

The nurse told me I could only lay on my side or back but NO STOMACH! WTF?! I EXCLUSIVELY sleep on my stomach and no other way. It's not that I don't want to sleep on my back or side, it's that once you're asleep, you're oblivious to what you do.

BUT, thankfully, I must have been so conscious of my position that I stayed on my side last night (with the help of pillows propped around me).

Obsessing over symptoms and hate to say, nothing! I mean, I have some sporadic cramps but that's it. No twinges (which I had several of last year when I did get a BFP - albeit short-lived). So, already I'm not holding out a lot of hope and have second-guessed my eSET decision quite a bit - as expected ('cause I'm neurotic!).

But, enough of my complaining bullshit. I have 9 great blasts that are vitrified (6 top notch!) and potentially another bunch have been frozen today (but embryology won't call until Monday).

I'm looking forward to 6:00 AM tomorrow when I can shower, blow this popsicle stand and head home to my furbabies - who really make life so worth living! :)


I transferred ONE

I don't even know how to feel about that right now but when I sat there faced with the facts of this cycle, it really swayed me hard in that direction. This was the first time I met Dr. Gustofson and he was really very nice.

The embryos:


So, that means that TODAY, they will freeze the 9 remainning.

BUT there is still another 20 - yeah, you heard that right - 20 they'll follow until tomorrow and the embryologist suspected there would be about another 10 to freeze tomorrow.

The most persuasive and DECIDING fact I learned today is this: CCRM now vitrifies all frozen embies EXCLUSIVELY. In the past, this highly successful medium was reserved only for CGH tested embryos.

So, the vitrification fact means that in the event this was a stupid decision on my part and I have to return for a FET (Gasp! Hate the thought!), the success rate for a two embryo transfer at that time would be 80% (vs. 85%). So that's barely diminished odds. And, ultimately, I was willing to take 'em. Had vitrification not been adopted as the standard freezing method, I would have two on board right now - for sure!

In 9 days, we'll see how much I'll be kicking my ass (or not) for this decision. But in my case, thanks to the POAS mania I'll soon face, I'll know whether the ass-kicking is warranted by end of next week. My beta is for 7/6.

I'm a little woozy after the valium but it took forever to kick in. My bladder was crying when they did the transfer and I was so humiliated to use the bed pan 15 minutes later but not so much that I didn't fill it and thank them. Funny how I'm so used to spreading 'em with several people in the room watching that it doesn't even make me bat a lash. Now peeing in a pan - horrified! But I felt remarkably better.

I'd say the vitrification was the clincher for me. I had no intention on submmitting to a FET with success rates of 52% for a 2 embryo tranfer vs. an 85% on the fresh. Though I did accept a 60% chance of success with the SET.

Ugh! I'm going to second-guess this one quite a bit. I only hope it works and then I can just smile at the good fortune I had - without ever having to deal with a twin pregnancy I am not ready or equipped for.

Now it's off to eat in bed. :)))


10 AM Curtain Call - Tomorrow Morning

Of course, I don't know how these guys will do but I'm feeling pretty good they will be fine.

I've lost sleep and struggled quite a bit on transferring one vs. two. It's a very hard call either way. The truth is I would kick myself in the ass if I transferred one and it failed (another trip out here plus cycle is 6K - which is nothing to sneeze at) and I would kick myself in the ass if I wound up with twins. So, the ONLY way not to kick my ass is to have one implant. (you listening embies? just one should plan to stay, any other should decide my uterus is just a mess and refuse to have any part of it!)

But seriously, the success rate for a completely anonymous (i.e., not a sister or designated donor who may not be the most optimal donor but is chosen by patient all the same) proven in-house donor is around 85%, per Surrey, Sc.hoo.lcraft, nurses. THAT is the success rate I came here for - otherwise, I could have stayed in NJ, spent about 10K less and accepted lower odds.

So, with that in mind, how could I really only transfer one? Besides which, the former couples with this donor wound up with singletons and if the donor was 23 instead of 31, I would worry more about the twin thing. But at 31 she's still young but not so young that you wouldn't expect some chromosomally less-than-stellar embryos in that bunch.

And then there's this. Let's say I transferred one and it failed. After I reconcile having to come back for a FET, I wind up in EXACTLY the same place I am now - wondering, do I put back one or two.

Yeah, unless Surrey and the embryologist basically hold up a hatching blast and declare it's the most perfect specimen they've ever seen - that this has a 90% chance of success on its own, that this blast will be photographed for Embryology textbooks to illustrate what a blast should strive to be - I'm transferring two.

Good night my friends!


I brought the rain

Man! It is POURING in Denver! I left NJ in what can only be described as Seattle weather since Memorial Day and today I went to Mt. Falcon to do some hiking. Five minutes from arrival, the skies broke open and torrential rain poured down. I thought Maine Coons and Great Danes would crash onto my car (cats and dogs, get it? :)

So I drove back down the mountain at a 5/mph pace, windy roads meant to accommodate only one big SUV at a time - oh, and no guardrails. I kept telling myself, Take it easy, take it easy - there's not going to transfer any embryos if this little car goes summersaulting down the side of the mountain.

Don't need that kind of drama. I'm going to try again tomorrow - we'll see how the weather is.

Day 3 (and, yes, it will be a Day 5 transfer!)

The good news just keeps on coming!

Today they want to see 6+ cells. Out of the 30 that fertilized:

26 embryos with mostly 8 cells
2 5 cells
2 4 cells

Nothing has arrested, though he did say he "wouldn't be surprised if the 4 cell ones don't go anywhere."

He told me to expect a call from my nurse later today with instructions for Saturday.

Over the moon? No, not over the moon yet but it's certainly getting closer. :)


NJ to Denver

I'm leaving on a jet plane, I DO know when I'll be back again (you have to sing it like John Denver did).

Not very fond of airplanes, I may pop a Xanax when I board. At first I thought, GASP, I can't do that with the whole baby on board thing that's coming. But then I remembered that they'll be giving me some Valium before the transfer. So, obviously, they can't think it harms embryos! And it would be worse if I was white-knuckling it all the way.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not phobic about it. I don't break out in a sweat or hyperventilate or think I'll die. I just get anxious. When I travel for business (2-3 times/year), I don't love it - I just deal with it, you know? By contrast, I have a MAJOR phobia about public speaking (even in a sit-down meeting full of people). My heart races like I am on the treadmill at top speed and I CANNOT catch my breath and words don't come out and I ramble snippets of total nonsense. It's really really terrifying (and embarrassing). So I NEVER do a stand-up preso. And I have some medication that works WONDERS if I'm going to talk in a group meeting. Anyway, back off tangent.

As I walked down the stairs at the hotel in Denver last October during my one-day work-up, I purposefully touched the handrail and consciously thought to myself, The next time I'm here in this hotel, in Denver, I'll be here for an embryo transfer.

And here I am, going back to Denver (and to that hotel) today. :)

Last contact before Denver. Woo Hoo - here I go!

PS: Remember all of that disconnected stuff I'd been feeling for weeks and weeks? I'll tell you this, right now, it's gone. I've been jittery (hands trembling) all morning - and I haven't had caffeine in a year.


My basket of eggs

I got the call from the embryologist at 9:30 AM ET. All I can say is that, so far, this donor has proven why she was an in-house "proven" and highly recommended donor.

-39 Eggs
-35 Mature eggs
-30 Fertilized w/ICSI

He said everything looks really good and he feels confident it'll be a 5-day transfer and that he'd be "very surprised" otherwise.

I'll get no call tomorrow, as the next time they check on them is Thursday.

This donor's cycle is almost identical to her last (Nov 08) when she produced 2 more eggs and 31 fertilized.

If it continues to go as her last cycle, I'd wind up with 2 blasts on Day 5 and more than a dozen in the freezer. Yeah, yeah, that's hoping for a lot but I'm going to be very positive here 'cause I got damned great news!

So you're all thinking right about now, Is Sky nuts? How many freaking kids does she want?! Uhhh, one in nine months and MAYBE - just MAYBE - one more in 2 years. THAT'S IT! That's my maximum limit.

However, I can't tell you how much it would tickle me pink to donate all of the remainning embryos (that would be 6/each for 2 other women/couples). I know how absolutely grateful and thankful I was to be given the opportunity I was last summer with the donor embryo transfer. True, it resulted in a chemical pregnancy but I am so thankful to that couple for what was TRULY a gift. My heart would swell with joy to give that same gift to another woman/couple - it would probably make me even happier than her/them! No one but another infertile woman knows how meaningful that is.


PS: I'm sitting in my office and my face got hot and flushed. HA! That's the PIO working baby! It happened to me last year too and, you know what, I love how I look with pink cheeks - so healthy! :)


Today: Day Zero (aka Retrieval Day)

And guess what news CCRM gives you on retrieval day?


Yes, that's right - I got no fucking news today ON RETRIEVAL DAY!

So I eventually just told myself that no news is good news and that if my donor had, somehow, triggered an hour early by mistake (leaving her with no follicles this morning), that I would have been called - probably by a doctor, that's how serious that would be (yeah, I heard it happen once).

I'm not a mess though - thankfully - but I really wish I'd have been told something.

So tomorrow I'm supposed to get "the call" from the embryologist. Tomorrow I'll learn what the follicle count was, how many mature eggs, how many fertilized and how many are moving on into embryo-dom.

I think my nurse wants to see some elation in me - some really obvious happiness and every time she makes a comment (verbal or via email), I know she probably wonders why I'm still not overjoyed. Today she asked "are you over the moon?" and I thought, are you kidding me? Why? Not yet! I have zero information on retrieval day - that doesn't exactly elicit "excitement" from me, rather some worry.

Anyway, there is no real way she's going to understand my north east coast brain. The kind of elation she wants to see probably isn't going to happen until there is an ultrasound with a kick-ass healthy baby on the screen. Well, it's true that I'll be super duper happy and excited if I get a great report on transfer day (of the ones coming "home" and the ones left) but even that will be tempered with some anxiety.

What can I say, I'm a little neurotic that way.


The Trigger & Other Ramblings

CCRM called. My superstar donor triggers tonight for a Monday morning retrieval.

I say "superstar," 'cause she has 15+ follicles on the right ovary and 15 on the left - all measuring between 18-20mm. WOW - you go girl! :)

It just occurred to me that my sperm donor is decided, done, no chance to change my mind. Gulp! Listen, he wasn't my first pick and I LOVED my choice sperm donor fiercely (a guy I'd never met, go figure). My choice guy is an astrophysicist and if you'd heard his interview . . . too brilliant for words. If you've ever watched The Big Bang Theory on CBS, think character Sh.eld.on C.oo.per (with those sweet blue eyes).

The downfall of these types is they're not exactly socially smooth - that's where they stumble. But I figured with my Cuban "personality" (yeah, you know - emotional, passionate, fiery - it's mostly true! ;) I would nurture and raise a phenomenal mind who was deeply compassionate, had wide global perspective and wasn't afraid to speak up and fight for what's right.

Alas, it wasn't meant to be. When I was presented with a great-looking, proven egg donor, I jumped at it. The downfall is she was physically too alike to the sperm donor (she has blond hair and blue eyes and the Irish background - the sperm donor had similar Anglo, European background).

So I actually chose physical characteristics over everything I think is FAR more important in the end. Fuck me if that was a bad call but it's done now.

The new sperm donor (the one who will be busy fertilizing eggs on Monday) has a PhD in Pharmacy and is "hot," by all accounts. Apparently he was quite the favorite eye-candy at the sperm bank. Whatever! That shit is so unimportant to me and, yet, I know appearances count strongly in our society (which says a lot of fucked up things about all of us - myself included - but that's another post on another blog). This guy has "black hair" and "gorgeous hazel eyes." His background is Italian and Spanish. So his "look" is like mine. This is the actor the sperm bank claims he resembles (and I found others who've used him - their kids do have the same general attributes).

In this guy's audio interview, he sounds like a "duuuuude" (like As.h.tonOKu.tcher). Sounds like an idiot with a PhD (seriously, I've known several!). No depth. I'm going to hope that's all learned or I'm toast.

Wouldn't it be ironic that the resulting baby looks nothing like the sperm donor and just like the egg donor and I kick my own ass thinking, WTF was the difference? I should have just used the physicist. BUT, I don't think so. I know those latin genes are on the stronger side and so, at least, I'm hoping my kid isn't going to get the constant bullshit of "is that your 'real' mother?" I know that question wouldn't irk me if I were the genetic mother but to have that bond tested/questioned by strangers has to be unnerving. If I can avoid it for both of us, I will.

Wow! I thought I was over all of that but I think the news from CCRM on triggering tonight and a retrieval on Monday was like cold water in the face - it's happening, I can't change any of the players now.

The train has left the station.

(I was a little nervous when answering the phone - which is better than the strange nothings I've been feeling)


Denver Bound

Finally! I have a semi-definite plan (at least enough to book my flights).

The donor has 15 follicles on each side measuring around 1.7 and 1.8 cm each. They'll trigger her either tomorrow or Sunday night. So, right now the retrieval will be either Monday or Tuesday. I just learned that retrieval day is Day Zero (I thought it was considered Day One).

This means either of the following scenarios:

Monday retrieval - Day 3 transfer on Thursday or Day 5 transfer on Saturday
Tuesday retrieval - Day 3 transfer on Friday or Day 5 transfer on Sunday

I booked my flight to Denver on Wednesday (which would have me in Denver a day before the earliest transfer possible) and I'm returning on Tuesday (which is 2 days after the latest transfer possible).

Rather than today being my last day at work, I will work on Monday and Tuesday (so I don't waste vacation days).

Of course, I'm really just hopeful that it'll be a 5 day transfer. :)

Now all I have to do is expect a call from CCRM either tomorrow or Sunday to let me know when my donor triggers and give me instructions on the PIO and other "stuff" (Medrol, Tetracycline, etc.). Though I'm much improved from weeks ago, it'll still be nice to smash that vial of Lupron forever! :)))


Still dreaming

Nothing’s changed for me. I’m still in that state of denial, disbelief. I don’t feel even remotely “in cycle.” But here’s the punch line, if all continues on plan, I should be on the table ready to transfer in 8 days.

Wow! One week doesn’t seem like a long time at all and, yet, I’m working on projects like nothing’s going on in my life. In fact, though I’m technically “on vacation” next week, I’ve told my counterpart that she need not worry about back-up until late next week when my vacation plans may have me disconnected from email for a day.

Yeap, I’ll be schlepping my laptop and some files to Denver and setting up office in my hotel room. On transfer day, I’ll take it “off” but the day after I will get back online, even if it’s mostly from bed. I don’t think I can really just lie there for 2 days and watch TV (daytime TV alone could send me to the funny farm).

Seriously, when the hell is this going to get real? After the donor’s retrieval? After the fertilization report? After the embryo progress? After my transfer? When I’m back in NJ? WHEN there’s a BFP? When the child is born? WHEN?!


Can it be?

Is this just going to go smoothly for me? I mean, I want to believe it, truly - but, should I?

Today you see, all good news.

My lining is 9 mm, triple stripe; estradiol is 499.
The donor: 13 follicles on one side, 15 on the other and is "doing great."

Talked with Dr. Schoo.lcr.aft this afternoon. Everything said of him is an understatement. He's nice but uncomfortably quiet and deadpan (and not in a funny way) so it makes for some social discomfort. Yet, I was fine with it.

His reply to my lining was "really? oh, okay, that's really great" and said everything was going well with the donor and on schedule. I asked when her retrieval would be and he said, "well, assuming she's still on course of 10-11 days of stims, that would put her at Saturday for the trigger." That would put her retrieval at Monday, "give or take a day" he said. Crap! My nurse unintentionally mislead me on that. So now I have to change my Saturday flight to Monday or Tuesday.

Sch.oolcr.aft also said we'd know more definitively on Friday so this Friday, all of the plans will have to be locked down.

Tentatively, I'm expecting her retrieval for next Monday, I'll fly out to Denver on Tuesday, have a 5-day transfer on Friday and fly home on Monday June 29th.

As long as I'm successful and deliver one healthy baby in nine months, I don't really care how much they muck up the plans on this end. :)

That's all for now.


Big Day on Monday!

Blood work and ultrasound at local clinic. Crossing fingers that I'll have a good lining and triple stripe. Of course, the retrieval is expected to be on or about June 20th (next Saturday) so I think I'd still have 4 days to improve whatever is going on in my uterus (not that I think it could be accomplished in 4 days!).

Monday is also my "pre-embryo regroup" with the doctor. And since Dr. Surrey is apparently not in, my meeting will be with Dr. Schoolcraft. I've never talked with him and though I've heard stories of his quiet, dry, all-business demeanor, I'm not really worried - I do very well with those types. So I intend to ask him about my donor's progress and by the time in the day we speak, he'll have had a chance to see the report from the morning on my blood work and lining so we'll be able to discuss that too.

My daily meds are: 5 units Lupron, 4 Vivelle patches (alt. days), 1 Estrace pill, 1 pre-natal vitamin, .75 mcg Synthroid (for thyroid) and 1 baby aspirin. Yet, I have to reiterate that this feels VERY far removed. Maybe I'll feel "in cycle" when I'm in Denver.



This is my third cycle. My first (March 2008) was with my own eggs and it was a colossal failure. My second (June 2008) was with donor embryos I felt so fortunate to be given. It resulted in a chemical pregnancy. Another failure.

But what those two cycles had in common was the reality of the situation. I felt it. I knew I was in cycle and that I was doing something very proactive and on the cusp of a potential pregnancy.

This time? Not. Boy I hope that's not a sign of anything ominous to come. Not that I believe in "signs" (I believe in good planning, intelligent decisions and some luck of the draw - whatever that means) but I can cave to superstition every now and then too.

Anyway, I really think the culprit of all of this is CCRM and their distant, chilly manner. I've posted about this very subject, I've commented on other's blogs about it. And, from an emotional standpoint - as long as it works - I don't care.

BUT, it's still tough, ya know? I remember my nurse saying to me on Monday when she called. Now don't go thinking she called me unsolicited - that has NEVER happened. In my nine month relationship with them (yeah, a pregnancy's worth without one single transfer yet), they called me unsolicited ONE TIME - just once - and that was to tell me I'd had a DE match 5 months later.

So, back to the call. She said that from this point on we'd be "glued at the hip." I chuckled and said, "that's okay with me" but deep down, I really doubted it.

Well, I don't know what they think "glued at the hip" means 'cause I don't hear from her any more than I did months ago - which is nothing. If I don't email with a question, I don't get a call.

Again, if this is just "the machine" working perfectly ("no news is good news") and so no need to call me and I wind up with a gorgeously successful cycle, WONDERFUL! But it would be much harder to take if - I can't even say the words....because then I would wonder, was "the machine" working properly? Did they just drop the ball? Was I not being notified of critical events? WTF was going on when I was in the dark?

I have an ultrasound on Monday so she and I will talk that afternoon - not only about me ('cause I'm hoping I'll be in a good place) but about the donor and what her follicles look like. She started stims yesterday (crossing fingers).

I think Monday will bring some better news on how this is all going and a retrieval date.

Oh...the point of this post...yeah, I really feel strange, like I'm not in a cycle at all.


Gift/Note to Egg Donor

So, I decided to ship the egg donor's gift out this week because I don't plan to be in Denver until the day after her retrieval. This way, the nurse will give her the gift.

I packed a cute pink pajama short set, pink slippers and ankle socks and a gift certificate for a spa massage. It was wrapped beautifully in a printed box with a huge blue ribbon.

The hard part was the note. I mean, if she were someone I knew who'd done this once - to help me - of course it would have been easier. But this is an anonymous donor who has donated 3 times prior. I feel silly - like she'll read the note and think, yeah, yeah, yeah, this precious gift I'm giving you, yeah, I get it already, I get it!

So I thanked her and there was some emotion and I reminded her that what she's given will last me my entire life - a daily reminder etched into my heart and a mark on the planet for which I am profoundly grateful. And I wished her a quick recovery.

Just got a call from my nurse. My donor had her suppression check today and starts stims on Wednesday. Approximately 10-11 days later will be the retrieval.

So, I'm going to book a flight to Denver on June 20th! EEK!


New chapter, new background

And it's pink...not that I'm hoping or anything! :)

But seriously, if I'm fortunate enough to sit on this comfy leather couch a month from today with a sweet, strong, healthy baby growing inside of me - I don't care what gender I get.



Yeah, I don't really have 'em yet. I mean, how fucked up is that, really?!

When I've asked, I get answers like "well, we won't really know until your donor's stim cycle and to see how it's going" and I swear, I know that is right and sounds reasonable. BUT, every single time I hear of someone doing a donor egg cycle, even two months out, they seem to have a retrieval/transfer date on the calendar. Granted, they might be a day or two off in reality but they appear pretty true to actual in the end.

As of yesterday, my donor hasn't gotten her period yet. Once that happens, she has a suppression check (I forgot what that is from my own IVF cycle) and then she starts stims. Then my nurse said, going by former cycles with her, she would be ready for retrieval about 10-11 days after stims start.

So, the tentative date I was given was around the 20th. And that's perfect for me. It's a Sunday. If her retrieval really does happen on that day, I will fly out that day or following day for Denver. I have hotel reservations for $59/night at same place as last time (TownPlace Suites). It was clean and nice enough and close by and free internet and I can't beat the price really.

I haven't made plane or car rental reservations and that has me a little uneasy but what the heck can I do? Fortunately, I have a LOT of mileage points and I will be upgrading to first class - at least on the return, if not both legs!

In a perfect world, she'll have her retrieval on 6/20 and on day 5, we'll transfer 1 perfect, hatching blast that becomes a healthy and beautiful little bundle in 40 weeks and I wind up with a dozen 6-day blasts in the freezer. Anything else is off script! :)


Consult w/CCRM

So...Dr. Surrey called this morning and we talked. He said, CMV is a harmless virus except in these situations:

1) immunocompromised patients - either by intended immune suppression in organ recipients or in patients with HIV, "of which you are neither" or

2) to a fetus

Then he went on to explain why and how harmful it can be, etc.

I told him that the list of sperm donors with my ethnic background was very low and if I used the CMV to screen them, I would have been left with no one. He said he wasn't surprised.

I also added that CCRM must see women frequently who are CMV negative and whose spouses are positive and that those ladies must absorb that risk. "Very good point," he said. He merely added that in that case, not using the husband's sperm is usually not a good option for them. I said, Well, even if a married CMV negative woman was to use CMV negative donor sperm (instead of husbands), it still leaves her open to infection by her husband any time throughout marriage/pregnancy (intercourse, kissing, etc.) and, again, "yes, that's very true." And he said I could reduce the risk to zero. I agreed that I could reduce the risk to zero during the transfer but I could never reduce it to zero unless I agreed to live in isolation throughout a pregnancy and that "I believe the odds are overwhelmingly in my favor, even if not 100%." Again, he agreed.

Ultimately he said he was pleased I'd done my homework and that, given all of the above, he was very comfortable with my decision and felt I was making the right one but that he had to "inform me of the possible risks, no matter how remote."

I did add this, which I have always intended to do "Dr. Surrey, should I be blessed with success, I fully intend to be tested for CMV every month for the first few, while I still have options" (and we both knew "options" was a euphemism for "abortion"). He said, "that's an excellent idea."

The reality is that if I didn't acquire CMV in the first 2 months then any CMV infection later on in the pregnancy would be from a source other than the donor.

In the end, I'm going with my donor, I will be tested for CMV during the pregnancy (yes, I'm being very hopeful! :) and I will have to be extremely judicious about hand washing - much more so than ever before.

You CMV positive ladies are VERY lucky not to have to worry about this! Sheesh!

(PS: Wanna know the kicker? During my IUI cycle early 2008, the donor was CMV positive and the donor embryos I transferred last summer came from CMV positive male sperm - and yet, I'm still CMV negative!)


I love you Estrogen!

Maybe it was all in my mind and I was expecting it to be bad but . . . Nahhhh! Lupron really does suck donkey balls! F'king toxic devil ju-ju.

I felt a difference within HOURS of the Vivelle patch and Estrace pill. YUMMMMMMY!

Last week, I - a normally tough cookie - cried my eyes out! I cried over my mom (which is legitimate and sad and doesn't discredit the fact that I MISS MY MOTHER AND SHE SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME!!!), I cried over fear, I cried over the chai tea I like (I DETEST tea with a passion - hate every single kind, all of my life, just learned I like Decaf Chai Tea!).

But the crying jags made it clear the Lupron had pulled out all the stops.

So now I'm good again! :)

Tomorrow I'm having new carpet installed on my stairway to the 2nd floor and upstairs hallway (the rest of the house has Pergo flooring but uncarpeted stairs scare the bejeesus out of my uncoordinated self). And a contractor guy is coming over to check out 3 exhaust fans and 1 ceiling fan he's being hired to replace. I'll also be working from home.

Next steps: Thursday AM - estrogen bloodwork, call with Dr. Surrey about the damned CMV. I also have to remember to ask him why the one and only u/s scheduled for me is on 6/15 with a potential donor egg retrieval for 6/20. I mean, I want another u/s to ensure my lining is right (thickness, triple stripe, etc.) before I sink a 1.5 inch Progesterone needle into my ass, which is irreversible in a cycle!