CCRM called. My superstar donor triggers tonight for a Monday morning retrieval.
I say "superstar," 'cause she has 15+ follicles on the right ovary and 15 on the left - all measuring between 18-20mm. WOW - you go girl! :)
It just occurred to me that my sperm donor is decided, done, no chance to change my mind. Gulp! Listen, he wasn't my first pick and I LOVED my choice sperm donor fiercely (a guy I'd never met, go figure). My choice guy is an astrophysicist and if you'd heard his interview . . . too brilliant for words. If you've ever watched The Big Bang Theory on CBS, think character Sh.eld.on C.oo.per (with those sweet blue eyes).
The downfall of these types is they're not exactly socially smooth - that's where they stumble. But I figured with my Cuban "personality" (yeah, you know - emotional, passionate, fiery - it's mostly true! ;) I would nurture and raise a phenomenal mind who was deeply compassionate, had wide global perspective and wasn't afraid to speak up and fight for what's right.
Alas, it wasn't meant to be. When I was presented with a great-looking, proven egg donor, I jumped at it. The downfall is she was physically too alike to the sperm donor (she has blond hair and blue eyes and the Irish background - the sperm donor had similar Anglo, European background).
So I actually chose physical characteristics over everything I think is FAR more important in the end. Fuck me if that was a bad call but it's done now.
The new sperm donor (the one who will be busy fertilizing eggs on Monday) has a PhD in Pharmacy and is "hot," by all accounts. Apparently he was quite the favorite eye-candy at the sperm bank. Whatever! That shit is so unimportant to me and, yet, I know appearances count strongly in our society (which says a lot of fucked up things about all of us - myself included - but that's another post on another blog). This guy has "black hair" and "gorgeous hazel eyes." His background is Italian and Spanish. So his "look" is like mine. This is the actor the sperm bank claims he resembles (and I found others who've used him - their kids do have the same general attributes).
In this guy's audio interview, he sounds like a "duuuuude" (like As.h.tonOKu.tcher). Sounds like an idiot with a PhD (seriously, I've known several!). No depth. I'm going to hope that's all learned or I'm toast.
Wouldn't it be ironic that the resulting baby looks nothing like the sperm donor and just like the egg donor and I kick my own ass thinking, WTF was the difference? I should have just used the physicist. BUT, I don't think so. I know those latin genes are on the stronger side and so, at least, I'm hoping my kid isn't going to get the constant bullshit of "is that your 'real' mother?" I know that question wouldn't irk me if I were the genetic mother but to have that bond tested/questioned by strangers has to be unnerving. If I can avoid it for both of us, I will.
Wow! I thought I was over all of that but I think the news from CCRM on triggering tonight and a retrieval on Monday was like cold water in the face - it's happening, I can't change any of the players now.
The train has left the station.
(I was a little nervous when answering the phone - which is better than the strange nothings I've been feeling)