The Trigger & Other Ramblings

CCRM called. My superstar donor triggers tonight for a Monday morning retrieval.

I say "superstar," 'cause she has 15+ follicles on the right ovary and 15 on the left - all measuring between 18-20mm. WOW - you go girl! :)

It just occurred to me that my sperm donor is decided, done, no chance to change my mind. Gulp! Listen, he wasn't my first pick and I LOVED my choice sperm donor fiercely (a guy I'd never met, go figure). My choice guy is an astrophysicist and if you'd heard his interview . . . too brilliant for words. If you've ever watched The Big Bang Theory on CBS, think character Sh.eld.on C.oo.per (with those sweet blue eyes).

The downfall of these types is they're not exactly socially smooth - that's where they stumble. But I figured with my Cuban "personality" (yeah, you know - emotional, passionate, fiery - it's mostly true! ;) I would nurture and raise a phenomenal mind who was deeply compassionate, had wide global perspective and wasn't afraid to speak up and fight for what's right.

Alas, it wasn't meant to be. When I was presented with a great-looking, proven egg donor, I jumped at it. The downfall is she was physically too alike to the sperm donor (she has blond hair and blue eyes and the Irish background - the sperm donor had similar Anglo, European background).

So I actually chose physical characteristics over everything I think is FAR more important in the end. Fuck me if that was a bad call but it's done now.

The new sperm donor (the one who will be busy fertilizing eggs on Monday) has a PhD in Pharmacy and is "hot," by all accounts. Apparently he was quite the favorite eye-candy at the sperm bank. Whatever! That shit is so unimportant to me and, yet, I know appearances count strongly in our society (which says a lot of fucked up things about all of us - myself included - but that's another post on another blog). This guy has "black hair" and "gorgeous hazel eyes." His background is Italian and Spanish. So his "look" is like mine. This is the actor the sperm bank claims he resembles (and I found others who've used him - their kids do have the same general attributes).

In this guy's audio interview, he sounds like a "duuuuude" (like As.h.tonOKu.tcher). Sounds like an idiot with a PhD (seriously, I've known several!). No depth. I'm going to hope that's all learned or I'm toast.

Wouldn't it be ironic that the resulting baby looks nothing like the sperm donor and just like the egg donor and I kick my own ass thinking, WTF was the difference? I should have just used the physicist. BUT, I don't think so. I know those latin genes are on the stronger side and so, at least, I'm hoping my kid isn't going to get the constant bullshit of "is that your 'real' mother?" I know that question wouldn't irk me if I were the genetic mother but to have that bond tested/questioned by strangers has to be unnerving. If I can avoid it for both of us, I will.

Wow! I thought I was over all of that but I think the news from CCRM on triggering tonight and a retrieval on Monday was like cold water in the face - it's happening, I can't change any of the players now.

The train has left the station.

(I was a little nervous when answering the phone - which is better than the strange nothings I've been feeling)


onwardandsideways said...

Brown is dominant, as you said, so I think the chances of he/she looking like El Hottie is higher.

My sister was married for a long time to an Iranian man. She is blond/blue/northern european like me. They had a son, the most beautiful boy I think I have ever seen. Just a stunning child. Her then-husband (they divorced, sadly) was really handsome and my sister is beautiful. But this child was really something. And not just on the outside -- I have never known such a sweet child and the stories I could tell you, but I'll hog your comments section...

He was very dark, just like his father. His features were similar to my sister's, but with dark coloring like his father. A stunning child. I haven't seen him in ages, but I suspect he is a striking, handsome teenager/young man.

I have a theory that when you mix races/ethnicities, etc., you get the most beautiful people. Some of the most striking/handsome/gorgeous people I've ever known have been mixed race or diverse background.

We're hoping something similar will happen with our kids. I chose a donor very similar to me and my husband is French/Corsican, and a dark one (brown/brown/olive skin.)

I don't think it's dumb or shallow or anything else to be concerned about the physical aspects of a donor at all. I've read a number of posts from DE moms on the forum who had chosen donors that were gorgeous but looked nothing like them. And they have had to field comments (even though those comments are rude and totally out of line anyway.)

So... I think you lined it up really well, actually. And in this nutty old world, there's nothing wrong with giving your child an edge, if you can. You sound like someone who would teach them to put that in perspective too, so no worries.

Your donor is a frickin' superstar. I think CCRM is really good about choosing their donors. I sometimes wonder if we should have gone in-house with them, but too late for that now... lol

Very excited for you, my dear!! My goodness, your 2ww is going to be here before you know it.

Sky said...

Thanks sweetie! :)

Yeah, I think his Italian/Spanish background will dominate - though between his hazel eyes (all 8 of his siblings have either green/hazel or blue) and the egg donor's blue eyes, any resulting child would have light eyes - which is great! (I have really light brown eyes - my dad's were mint green; my mom's almost black)

It is what it is now - whatever will be will be.

I'm just feeling really fortunate to have had this opportunity thus far. Even 20 years ago I wouldn't have had this option.

Me said...

I was smiling as I read this post. You *are* firey and passionate and unwavering (my kinda gal) but you still second guess yourself at the last minute (again not unlike myself). It'll be fine. 'Cuz it hasta. What's done is done. :)

I'm so excited for you. I wish I could be there to hug you after!

Lorraine said...

It is impossible to manage possibilities. You have maximized your chances for what you want, and that is how women have chosen mates since the beginning of time. You just had more variables to work with...

I wonder if the things you were responding to in the first donor were primarily a result of nurture rather than inherited qualities? It's so hard to tell sometimes, but I'm pretty sure there no gene for "Duuuuude"!

Sky said...

Me - hee hee, yes, I second-guess most important things. Don't know if that's good or bad yet.

Lorraine - wow! Your comment is so true. I guess women do make mating decisions as best they can whether it's a physical human being or the "product" of the human being. ;)

Honestly, I'm not worried resulting spawn will be stupid, not at all. The egg donor is a school teacher with her masters and the sperm donor has his PhD. I mean, scholastically speaking, the genes are there. It's more the difference between someone who can conceptualize the unimaginable - just theoretical concepts (that's the hallmark of an astronomer) vs. someone who gets A's.

Now, I'm not going to poo-poo getting A's - 'cause that's important too. :)

DAVs said...

I'm so excited for you! I'm sorry I've been a comment slacker, but thank you for all your support with my Dad.
Can't wait to hear about the retrieval details! And I think you made awesome donor choices!

Josée Martens said...

Congratulations on the trigger! Monday is one day away and I am so psyched for you. Your donor is a superstar. 30 follies! that is more than all my cycles combined. Amazing!

Eb said...

wow, your donor is a veritable follie factor. I think once the little one is in your arms all this will fade into the background.
GOOD LUCK - fingers crossed and all the best.

kayjay said...

Wow your donor is a stellar one!! 30 on both sides and they usually can't measure them all when there are that many!!! That's awesome!

In terms of who the kid is going to look like, I think you have a good chance of having the child with a darker colouring so he/she will look like you. As you said, it's out of your hands and no sense worrying about it. Either way, the kid is going to be beautiful right?

Anonymous said...

I am a huge advocate of the "nurture" aspect being more important in personality - so I think you chose wisely. Since you have a distinctive look, if possible it is nice for your child to be similar! So don't worry about that for now, you can fret later while you are knitting your way through the 9 months of pregnancy!

Riley said...

I'm so excited for you - everything is finally happening! I think it's natural to start second guessing everything now that it's so close, but it sounds like you have one amazing donor and I personally think you made a great choice with your sperm donor, based on the reasons you listed - good looks AND brains - that's not a bad combination. Plus this child will have you as a mother and I'm sure you'll raise him or her to not be a duuude! I hope you have a great trip and everything goes smoothly.

Kami said...

It's all good! With a little luck you will have a baby in 9 months and you will just want him/her to be happy and healthy.

I can't believe the number of good looking follicles! You could have a baseball team. I can't imagine this not working.

Unknown said...

Hi Sky,
Just wanted to say good luck and I'll be thingking of you! I hope this all works out for you, I have a good feeling about this, it's exciting. I'm looking forward to your next post.