How do most people afford this?

I received the Donor Egg Cycle breakdown cost from CCRM today. Wow! How in the hell do most people pay for this stuff. From my calculations, it looks like I'll spend somewhere in the $38-40K for the cycle. Double and triple gulp. It makes me want to take my chances with a place like CNY Fertility and their donor egg program (where I would be matched right away and could do a cycle for about 11K). No, their rates aren't nearly as high as CCRM's but it just makes ya wonder, ya know?

I don't know about you but I could do a LOT with 40K. I think to myself, am I nuts? And I can't exactly look to the infertility community, 'cause I've seen people blow 100K and not bat much of a lash over it. Oh....and I'm already down 15K from the cycle this year. So you can imagine the prospect of nearly 55K total makes me sick to my stomach.

And....what if.....OMG, I can barely say it. What if it fails?! Honestly, you'd have to commit me. No baby and down 55K. And where do you go from there?!

I try to rationalize it - to bring it into perspective - by listing all of the items in life that could cost 55K:
  • A higher-end new car
  • A nicer house
  • Home improvements
And that's kind of it. The list just isn't that big. And then I think more about those items.
  • I own a 4 year old Toyota Rav. I will own it until it dies (my last Toyota died at 213K miles, love these cars!). I have never been into cars and really couldn't care much about the kind of car I have - so I certainly don't blow money in that department.
  • I have a house. I bought my house 10 years ago (THANK GOD!) so although the market is abysmal and the value of my home has decreased 20% in the past 3 years, the overall increase over my original purchase price is about 175% - that's not bad! I feel incredibly blessed but some of that is thanks to my nature. I live in a house that is much more modest than my means. I could afford a house that's twice the cost - but I sleep soundly knowing that I am not even remotely over-extended. I know it's "The American Way," but I just can't do it. It scares the hell out of me.
  • And home improvements.....well, let's just say that I consider myself a partially savvy individual. I know a few things about how this works. It's nice to upgrade your house but you have to be cognizant of what houses comparable to yours are worth BEFORE you remodel all 3 bathrooms. If I were to invest 30K into brand new bathrooms, it would certainly make it a more attractive house to buy but is someone going to give me another 30K because the bathrooms were updated? Probably not, but more importantly is that no appraisal company is going to take new upgraded bathrooms into consideration when they appraise your property. They go strictly by "comps" and if the comps in your neighborhood say your property is worth between $340-$355,000, then that's the figure the buyer's lender will use to determine how much they'll lend, period. You can't say, Hey, look at my receipts for the $80,000 kitchen cabinets and granite counters 'cause the bank doesn't care. The bank doesn't lend money on cabinets or nice materials - the bank lends money on concrete things like square footage, number of bedrooms and bathrooms, garage space, basement - stuff like that. And that makes sense, doesn't it? Because even the most updated room can become out of date in a few years or the buyer can decide to paint those gorgeous Italian cabinets and ruin them. Banks don't lend on materials, they lend on tangible bricks and mortar. (sorry for tangent)
So there you have it. I don't spend money on big stuff and in my own twisted little way, I can forgive this Donor Egg Cycle cost because it's the one single place where I have been/will be extravagant.

(psst you can see I'm rationalizing here - so feel free to add to my crazy logic; I'd appreciate it, truly)


Leah said...

I can't add to your crazy logic because it's the same analysis that we've all gone through, so it doesn't sound remotely crazy to me at all. Granted, lots of people weren't contemplating a nearly $40K single cycle cost... Ouch, ouch, seriously ouch.

Don't any of these clinics do a version of the Shared Risk option? Where you play a flat (albiet hefty) fee for a set number of cycles (at my clinic it was 6 fresh cycles) and are guaranteed a take-home baby or your money back? I assume you know what I'm referring to, but if you don't, let me know and I'll elaborate further.

None of this even touches on the fact that it sucks donkey balls that you (or any of us) even need to do this kind of number crunching and subsequent sacrificing to have a baby when those damned crack whores pop them out like frozen waffles from a toaster. Bitches. It's just beyond not fair.

Thank you so much for the compliment in your first post. To say that I've been wretchedly un-witty lately is an understatement. Hopefully some of my previous posts can carry me through... :-) Have you ever read Alexa at Floatsam? That will make you laugh out loud. You'll probably even snort at some point. She is seriously funny.

BTW, I can't tell you how much I love that Cat's Up Your Ass phrase. I will use it at least twice tomorrow if it kills me. It sort of reminds me of a phrase some of my more juvenile (and therefore favorite) friends use: "Ham Sandwich." It goes like this... When you are looking for something, such as your keys, you'd say, "Do you know where my keys are?" Then the person would say, "If they were up your ass, you'd know where they are." That alone is damn funny to me. However, this set of friends started saying, "If they were up your ass eating a ham sandwich, you'd know where they are." Now we just shorten it to "ham sandwich." So when we are around other folks and they ask a stupid or annoying question (such as "Now, where did I put my lucky pencil?"), we just say "ham sandwich". Then we smile knowingly and giggle like teenagers who have hit their parents liquor cabinets. Silly, goofy and straight up stupid, but it's that sort of shit that gets me through the day, you know?

Now that I've read all of your posts, I'm up to speed on your situation. I'll be pulling for you, and can't wait to celebrate with you when your own twins are born!

Sky said...

Oh Leah, I love you - thank you for pulling for me. But pull 50% as hard, okay? 'Cause if I wind up with twins, I might have to get another dog to help me with them (the way it is, my 2 cats and 1 dog have been briefed on diaper changing techniques :)

Love the Ham Sandwich and will absolutely share with my girlfriends and use it soon. We're all kooky enough to think it's hysterically funny.

And I had to comment on the crack whores birthing like waffles out of a toaster. Aside from the comical visual, it's so tragically sad and I think of it more often than is good for me.

On same subject, I have the CCRM doc telling me I need to make sure my tubes aren't blocked before an embryo transfer and that he checks for blood flow to uterus and recommends acupuncture to improve things, if needed. And then I read about eating pineapple galore, doing shots of wheat grass, eating organic and the list goes on and I always think, WTF?! Crackheads are shooting up in abandoned houses, lying near comatose for days being raped by the other drifters/inhabitants, eating morsels of rotten whatever happens to be lying around and they UNFORTUNATELY suffer no miscarriage (which would be such a blessing for that child, rather than born into that abusive fiasco) and I worried myself to death after my DFET early July when I was handed a glass of "fruit juice," took a sip and said "hey, this is spiked" (no one at the luncheon knew I'd been "implanted"). I wondered, can 2 tablespoons of wine in a sangria drink cause me to lose this baby? Ugh! Yes, it is EXTREMELY unfair - not just to deserving women but to children who should be entitled to come into the world in a healthy atmosphere to a mother who is at the very least conscious, loving and attentive.