I was reading Lorraine's latest post where she's "allowing" herself to feel pregnant - but only somewhat. Psychologically, the early stage of her pregnancy only allows her to invest in another pair of stretch pants, however buying crib sheets seems more than she can manage at this juncture.
It was sad to read that because I know exactly what that's about. This quest has affected us ladies in this category so much more than just the act of getting the second line on the pregnancy test - it's even robbed us of the blissful happiness we should feel after getting this line.
And that's because we all measure our "point of reality" (the stage when we believe the pregnancy is solid) differently and it's usually based on the point at which we all lost a pregnancy in the past.
For example, I got a BFP and was thrilled. I told my girlfriends at dinner that night - I beamed, they hugged me, we took pictures of my pee stick and we were all smiles. I had seltzer; they had wine. Honestly, I was so damned happy. That night I started to spot and got scared and had a beta run the next day (2 days early) and got the awful news of a 15.5 beta and two days later a 16; 4 days later a 13.
So guess what milestone I have to successfully pass in order to feel confident? Yeap, a good strong initial and follow-up beta - that's when I'll believe I'm "really" pregnant.
For other ladies it's only as far as they previously reached and that could be 9 weeks or after the amnio or even later. The most gut-wrenching are the ladies who will never feel really safe until after they've given birth to a healthy baby because their last pregnancy ended in a stillbirth. And the longer we have to wait for that security, the harder it is to get on with life and feeling peaceful and happy. Always waiting....waiting to cycle, waiting during the 2ww, waiting for betas, waiting for ultrasound - waiting, waiting, waiting.
I wish for all of us to reach "that point" after a BFP very very quickly, because after everything we've been through - we all deserve to buy crib sheets! :)